Today

Yesterday, if your dreams were becoming nightmares, consciousness was your sanctuary.

Today, I assumed the same rules would apply.  Man, I can be such a complacent dickhead.  As a wise man once said, assumption is the mother of all f*ckups.

Today was designed to be a good day.

"Designing" a good day is never a safe option.  Life happens, you can't control it, no matter how hard you fight against it.   Of course, like millions of other suckers out there, I still can't help but try.

I am well aware of the overbearing presence of Murphy's law in my life.  I still believe that you've got to have some sense of optimism though, that maybe someday something might go right.  What's the point of getting out of bed in the morning otherwise?  So I enjoy those few early moments of anticipation of a good day.  It's always good to wake up to that feeling.  You might as well try and get something out of your "designed day" before being overwhelmed by failure.

5 hours later there she is, sitting in the back seat.  She's real.  As far as I can tell anyway.

Why is she here?

There's no point dwelling over this question, she's not a girl, she's not a lady, she's not a desire, she's not a fantasy.  She's not a person, she's not from this world.  She's something else all together.  She can appear whenever she wants, if that's her purpose.

She was not part of today's plan.

In fact the whole point of today's plan was to try and overwhelm my sensors to a point where the memories of my haunted sleep are blown away. Even if it is just for a couple of hours.  Now, here was the very protagonist of my nightmares for the past 2 years, she's in my car and she's hitching a ride.

If you are 21 and you have already failed 9 out of the 10 most important goals in your life, its easy to ignore the fear of death.  It would be an awfully great adventure.  Although somewhat over-exaggerated by some of my loyal passengers, it is true that sometimes my ignorance of the other obstacles on the road when driving can put me perilously close to death.  However, I'm not in the habit of being responsible for the deaths of other people.  Therefore I do actually try to pay proper attention to the road.

That's all good in theory but how am I supposed to drive safely when I can't look in my mirrors in fear of accidently catching her eye in the reflection?  How can I concentrate on some stupid road when I'm in the process of being haunted to the very depths of my existence?

Her ride has come to an end now.  We're all still alive.  It's OK.

I've still got the whole day ahead of me.

Pff, yeah right dickhead.

No amount of mind blowing feats of strength, beauty or comedy can distract my mind from this trauma.  My greatest demons begin their feast on my soul.

Boy are they hungry.